What Goes Around Comes Around

by Judith Ellison Shenouda

During the holiday season, we find ourselves in a variety of social gatherings with those we know very well, those we know somewhat, and those we are meeting for the first time. Those at the event vary in their comfort level interacting with others. Some love to take center stage and entertain others with their escapades. Others enjoy working the room, easily conversing on a wide range of topics. Some like to visit with a few others and get to know them better. Then there are those who find the whole event a tortuous ordeal.

We know that fear of public speaking is among the most prevalent of human fears. So, too, is social anxiety. The woman who won’t leave the side of her spouse may fear that others will think her stupid because she has not read the latest book. The man standing alone at the bar may fear that others will consider him lazy because he doesn’t work a traditional job. The young adult living with her parents may fear being considered a failure. Many fears lie at the heart of shyness and other social anxieties.

So, what can writers do when confronted with social anxiety –both their own and that of others– during holiday gatherings? Use the very talents that writers already possess to expand their own and others’ comfort in social settings.

Talent 1: When talking with others about your work in progress, share your dreams for its future. Discuss your search for an agent or publisher, your interest in collaborating with an illustrator, your hope to create a Web site to promote your work. Set aside your reluctance to talk about yourself by sharing your aspirations. Ask for what you need. Can the person with whom you are talking help you personally or refer you to someone who can?

Talent 2: Set the spotlight on others and let them talk. Really listen to what they have to say. Find their passion. Hold off being judgmental and critical. When you reflect on what others say, remember to acknowledge their thoughts and feelings whether you agree with them or not. After all, others have a right to be the persons they are. Who knows? When you listen carefully, you may just hear a story that offers a possible solution to the writer’s block you’re experiencing, that fuels your imagination for a new writing assignment, or that opens a door to a new market for your work. 

Talent 3: Offer your services. The full composite of your capabilities, aptitudes, skills, interests, and contacts makes you unique. True, others may be able to do what you do, but no one is just like you. So, when there are opportunities to provide help, do so. Offer your services – whether it is to introduce individuals who can benefit from meeting, review a manuscript, attend a friend’s seminar, give financial support, or write a testimonial. By supporting others, you expand your network of well-wishers who will welcome ways to support you. True to the saying, What goes around comes around, good will may come your way from unexpected people and places.     

Talent 4. Remove the interference that gets in the way of communication. During a holiday luncheon, this may be as easy as moving the centerpiece that keeps you from seeing others at the table. If the conversations buzzing around you make it difficult to hear, move your conversation to a quieter area. If you find that just when you are getting to a critical point in a conversation, someone cuts in, thereby interfering with the conversation, find a way to continue at a more opportune time and place.

Talent 5. Pay attention to feedback. Others may like what you say or they may not. They may be supportive of you or they may not. They may laugh, they may criticize, they may poke fun. Yet, their reaction or feedback should not make or break you. Let it propel you to further analysis. What does the feedback offer that is useful? Is there something about the plan for your new writing project that you might want to alter? Are you targeting the right audience for the article you have in mind? Separate yourself from the feedback. After all, disliking your work, your project, your idea is different from disliking you. And if, it appears, that you are the target –that someone just finds you ridiculous– you can survive with your confidence and self-worth in tact.   

Talent 6. Consider what feedback says about the person providing it. It could be that the colleague who disagrees with your approach to solving a business issue just has a different perspective. It could be that your boss discounts your suggestion because he has information that he is not at liberty to share. The person you just met who shows no interest in a conversation may be dealing with a situation that has nothing to do with you. Though your feelings may be somewhat frayed, there are many good reasons not to take the feedback personally.

Though writing may be considered a solitary act, the context in which it takes place is social. The technical writer crafting an operations and maintenance manual interacts with members of a team to document procedures. The journalist researching a topic interviews a variety of individuals. The novelist promoting a book chats with many well-wishers when signing autographs. The non-fiction writer approaching prospective editors extols the value of her work. So during this holiday season, when you put others and yourself at ease in social settings, you are enhancing your talent to connect socially with others, thereby honing the social skills that can further your writing career.

Editor of Technical Communications

Judith Ellison Shenouda is principal of Shenouda Associates Inc. She earned a Master of Arts degree in Literacy Journalism from S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University in Syracuse, New York, USA. She completed additional courses in curriculum design and development, group dynamics, information studies, publication management, and project management; and has New York State Certification to teach Secondary English. Prior to starting Shenouda Associates Inc. in 1986, she taught English and Language Arts courses, provided academic support and career services, and worked as a freelance writer. She is a senior member of the Society for Technical Communication, a member of the Project Management Institute, a member of Toastmasters International, and a frequent presenter at local, national, and international conferences. She would be pleased to speak to your organization on topics related to starting a business and keeping it going; creating effective technical, business, and marketing communications; and managing the projects in your professional and personal life.