New Beginnings: Gratitude

By Pamela Beers

Out of the 12 months of the year, January is my favorite. As the temperature drops, the snow falls softly and all of nature is at peace. This is the month I dream, reflect, and look forward to the year ahead. Immediately I take inventory of my life’s assets; my health, three beautiful and happy children, three active and happy grandchildren and their health; my farm with its warm and cozy home, barns that house three magnificent horses, and my beloved cat; all of whom bring me comfort and joy. There is always plenty of good, healthy food on the premises and a bottle of wine on the shelf.

Yes, there are rough days when I feel abandoned and totally overwhelmed; wondering if God is taking a nap or on vacation, thinking that I don’t have one thing for which to be grateful. On those days I write down the basics: my health, the health of my family, my animals, my home, my friends and the comfortable bed I’m about to get into, knowing the day is over and tomorrow is a new beginning.

Once I take stock of my assets gratitude starts its transformative work. I get the urge to pare down, get back to basics, simplify, and learn what is essential for my happiness. Tonight I poured myself a glass of wine. I lit a candle and watched the slant of light from the candle penetrate the liquid in the glass. I was mesmerized by the rich garnet color of the wine as the candlelight danced around the rim of the glass. It is in these details of life that beauty is revealed, sustained, and nurtured. At that moment, I found my own internal Light, while outside, the winter darkness was closing in.

The candle’s reflected radiance both on and in the glass of wine (and probably the three sips of wine) lulled me into a contemplative state, as I thought about my life, exploring ways to see the world in a positive light. I tend to be a control freak by nature and have a tough time with acceptance. By giving up the illusion of control I have learned to find acceptance…something I work on continually. When I surrender to the realities of a particular situation, I soften and consequently relax, because I let go of the struggle. It’s living in the moment and savoring what that moment has to offer. It keeps me focused and positive.

One of the things that helps me relax is to write myself into a state of well being. Yes, writing is very therapeutic. I have conversations with myself on paper…just a rapid stream of consciousness that eliminates the mental minutiae, which drives me crazy and depletes my creative energy. It’s a ritual that gives me relief and release. By doing this on a daily basis, I keep my nagging and complaining to a minimum, confiding only to a couple of close friends. I am so grateful to those trusted friends for always being there for me.

It’s 4:45 am on this peaceful January morning. I can hear an owl outside making a soft “hoot-hoo” sound, probably hunting for an unsuspecting rodent. My cat won’t be happy about that. We have been fortunate because it has been a mild week as far as the weather is concerned. It makes life easier on the farm and is one of those simple pleasures…no shoveling and no plowing. I smile as I think about my life and all the good fortune that is mine, even on those overwhelming days when I feel like volunteering for the next rocket launch to the moon.