Writing the Remembrance

"What's the lesson? Whatever it is, don't hit the reader over the head with it. Build up to it with every sentence and understate it. Less may be more."

by Linda K. Wright

You just looked into the face of your newborn. Perhaps you realized personal epiphany or had to say good-bye to a dying relative.

Either of these situations holds emotions about which you want to write. How do you do so and get others to feel the impact of the moment?

Consider the following as a guide:

* Writing up close or at a distance? Should you write about it immediately or wait a while? Think about which allows you to communicate the situation most clearly. Sometimes when I'm in the midst of, or have just completed, an emotional process, I feel I'm too close to it to write about it. At that point, journalling is most effective. It's a way of noting the emotions upon which, later, I can fill in the details and write with more perspective. For others, being in the midst of a situation is the catalyst that keeps the ideas flowing.

Whatever method works for you, after you've written down your thoughts, put it away for a while. When you take it out to revise it, you'll see the piece through fresh eyes.

* "But it happened exactly this way," a student in a writing class once earnestly told me. No doubt. But writing it exactly the way it happened may not be most effective. The tendency to report (tell) needs to be tempered with showing the emotional impact. You may treasure every moment of an incident, but does the telling of each moment advance the story? Balance the details with sharing why those details are important.

For example, you can say, "I looked into my newborn's eyes." What draws the reader in more is sharing what you saw when you looked into your child's eyes. Remember the reader did not live this event with you. You have to let them know why the smell, taste, look, feel, time, your viewpoint, and how the situation evolved, all combine to make this a universal experience.

* What's the lesson? Whatever it is, don't hit the reader over the head with it. Build up to it with every sentence and understate it. Less may be more. Rather than waxing ecstatic for a couple of pages over what your newborn looks like (by all means wax ecstatic in your journal or a family history), show us what it means that your newborn has a dimple on her chin - just like you and her grandfather. Let the story communicate.

* From whose perspective are you writing and is that the one with which others will identify? You'll need to consider this in your marketing. Will the reader identify more with your point of view as the newborn's parent, or your viewpoint as you watch your parents hold their first grandchild, or as you observe your sibling's first look at your baby - the sibling who lost her own child three months ago?

* Make it universal. You don't want it to be so personal that others won't identify with it. If it takes place in a hospital, for example, talk about things that others could have experienced - perhaps a situation or a condition. How the nurse was careful not to stick the IV in an already scarred limb or your reaction to being barraged with having to make several decisions simultaneously.

I remember seeing an episode of ER when the character of Nurse Hathaway allowed a dying patient to smoke a marijuana joint to alleviate the pain and discomfort of nausea. The patient began coughing uncontrollably-so much that he could not inhale the smoke that would alleviate his discomfort. Without a word, Nurse Hathaway took the joint out of his fingers, smoked it, and blew the smoke in his mouth to allow him the same benefit. One didn't need to see the face of the patient to know his heartfelt gratitude.

Some will consider the above example unrealistic or socially unacceptable-but it is an example that illustrates something universal. Show that universal feeling and the reader will get it.

Author's note: To get a sense of how people write their own remembrances, check out this website http://www.storypreservation.com/

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Originally published in The Penn Writer

--LKW
©2000 by Linda K. Wright