Free Speech At Work

by Andy Rooney

Let's get the op-ed ball rolling with opinions from the famous Andy Rooney . . .

Andy Rooney shared this opinion on 60 Minutes. Rooney is a popular US Television Commentator.

"I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

Reader Reply

Andy, I wanted to thank you for making things simple again. Lately, I’ve been beset with all those annoying dualities, dichotomies, and distinctions, and the confusion is slowing me down.

But this is my problem, and you’re coming to my rescue. And truly I see the light. You see, like you, I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires, and it’s damned annoying that other people with little cars, little houses, and little bodies get in the way.

And I also believe the money I make belongs to me and my family—none of whom really uses those over-priced government services like, well, the military, social security, or Congress.

And speaking of the Government, aren’t you, like me, tired of all the waste? Wouldn’t save us all a lot of time and trouble if the Supreme Court would just appoint the president, or couldn’t we just take the candidate who, at election time, had the best collection of guns?

Did I say guns? Well, yes, you’re right again: “guns do not make you a killer.” I mean, what difference would it have made if those crazy kids at Columbine had come in with baseball bats instead of assault rifles, or if Saddam Hussein had amassed a fearsome collection of blackjacks?

You’re right too about homosexuality. It’s no sin to think it’s wrong. Why if God had wanted all this gender confusion, he would have created Adam and Eve and Pat.

And, yes, sex is sex, whether it’s that stuff that young lovers do, an executive affair, or an infatuation with a plump house cat. We should in fact liberate those minions of the county lock-ups whose only crime was that their variety invoked weaponry or a little good-natured physical force.

Also, enough of this hoo-hah about all those minorities, especially the blacks. Let’s just call all people “skins,” and bury the hatchet. If Martin Luther King had figured this out, we could have saved the FBI a lot of audiotape.

Andy, I don’t “hate the rich," or “pity the poor” either. Clearly the rich got there through moral superiority, and the poor, the whole shiftless, lumpen lot of them, willfully chose to abandon their stations and tumble to the easy lures of drug addiction, AIDS, and cyclic unemployment. Any of those idiots who run our think tanks and universities will tell you that.

And, when it comes to the US Constitution, I’m comforted by the fact that those Revolutionary geniuses anticipated every nuance of the coming millennia, writing something that will never require second-guessing. Of course, their wonderful “9/11” clause allows us to duck out if we need to defend ourselves—and God knows we always will.

Yes, Andy, you’ve made my life simple again. I’m going to free myself from the hard work of thinking it all out and just go back to the basics. After all, you and I know what the Universe is made of: earth, air, fire, and water.

-- John Fox, Wilmington, Delaware, USA