Speech Goofs

"This is a great day for France!"
--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral

"I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore-that is Maryland."
--William Donald Schaefer, First Inaugural Address

"If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough, I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed."
--Ronald Reagan

"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
--Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

"Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed."
--Ronald Reagan

GREAT MOMENTS IN POLITICAL DEBATES:

Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize.
Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time.

FOREIGN GOOFS

"Bite the wax tadpole."
-- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese

"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."
-- Ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese

"I am a jelly doughnut"
--English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall

"We pray for MacArthur's erection."
--Sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President

"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
--From a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991

"It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant."
--Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad

ANAL--Original version for Al Nippon Airlines Logo.
Tom's note: How would you like to see that on a 747 coming at you? hahahahaha

MISCELLANEOUS
"I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that."
--Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona

"Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States."
--Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972

"Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18-inch pizza and not a huge 18-inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday's ad may have caused."
--Correction printed in The Daily Californian

"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!"
--Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer

"I want you to take your balls in your hand and bounce them on the floor and then throw them as high as you can. Now, have you all got your balls in your hands?"
--Announcer of Children's Radio Show "Life With Mother" to her audience

They X-Rayed my head and found nothing.
--Jerome "Dizzy" Dean

And these beauties from the radio:

o Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

o When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.

o Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.