Down Wright Funny

by Lisa Naeger Shea

Humorist Steven Wright is famous for the deadpan delivery of his seemingly warped meanderings. While the trademark monotone adds punch to his lines, the real strength of his humor lies in the skillful play on words and his twist on our expectations. Wright also capitalizes on the “shorter is better” theory we writers sometimes forget to employ. Even when writing serious pieces, we can learn a thing or two from the comic. Be concise, avoid predictability, have fun playing with the sounds and meanings of words. –L.S.

Here is a sampling of classic Steven Wright:

“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.”

“I’m taking Lamaze classes. I’m not having a baby, I’m just having trouble breathing.”

“My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, ‘If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?’ I said, ‘No.” She said, ‘Okay, then forget it.’ ”

“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.’ ”

“Hermits have no peer pressure.”

“Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.”

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

“How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”

“The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, ‘Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.’ ”

“What a nice night for an evening.”

“When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend’s dad. He said, ‘I want my daughter back by 8:15.’ I said, ‘The middle of August? Cool!’ ”

“I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.”

“I live on a one-way dead-end street.”

“Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.”

“I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, ‘No thanks—I’m not going that far.’ ”

“I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained.”

“Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?”

Lisa Naeger Shea has penned articles and personal essays for an assortment of magazines, e-zines and websites. Her monthly column, Notes From the Tub, can be seen on www.SanityCentral.com. Lisa writes from her home in St. Louis.