Jesus's Brother

by Esto Banga

Jesus had an older brother named
Lyle who was going to be
a messiah too except he had a
lisp so when he said
blessed are the peacemakers
people pretty much fell down
laughing so he got mad and
made peace later by
whittling his name on
a few stray phillistines

Lyle did a few of his own miracles
like he once changed a Reuben sandwich
into a likeness of Mother Mary
and a few quarts of cold pilsner
into a few quarts of warm piss
but otherwise nothing to speak of

took a job hawking bibles out of
the back of a blue chevy
had them autographed by his brother
which he thought would
really sell instead got his
eye smacked in by what was either
some bad tempered apostle type
or an out of work pipe
fitter with a bent
finger following a
nose picking event
out by Egypt

had a dead beagle named Ruth
although it was a boy dog
who he kept in the mud room
and figured he'd get around to
resurrecting one day
during a beer commercial

at the crucifixion thing he tried
selling cotton candy
off the back of a camel
made a few shekels which later he blew
printing gethsemane postcards
sold twelve gave the rest to a
brown roman girl with nice legs

and damn got caught getting his
snicker wiped by a shriveled teenager
near the 7- Eleven said
hey look there's no commandment
thou shall not be blown
but the holy family was too
busy thinking up the klan and the nazis
to really help out much

he remembers how back in school
Jesus got all the girls
the cheerleaders and the drum
majorettes with their
twirling hair and crackly
red vests lined up like
roast beef sandwiches
he'd puff in one ear and
hear a tune come out the other

no Lyle he never had a
girlfriend as such no
instead he joined the
AV club and
learned to wire the speakers
at the high school prom
he could really turn on the juice
almost fifteen moments
of pure electric glory
everytime they danced

he had zits big as
peanuts one pair of pants
and a non-matching toga
and smelled like ox wax
beneath his desk
bending to look for
fake dropped pencils
just to peek up a few
skirts
the air was clear and sweet
down there

and life was simple straight on
none of that wandering in the
desert ascending descending
or blessing the sheaves or
forgiving the dumb jerks who ran the
Holy Walmart or washing
anybody's feet with the bottom
of his one decent flannel shirt

so God and his drinking buddies
sit around a phoney plastic wood table
and judge everything and everybody
and eat homefries
and divvy up the heavenly rewards

Jesus whose had a pretty rough time
gets his own cushy chair
gets to stay up late most every night
with the snack of his choice

Lyle gets a gold front tooth
a belt buckle with the
carved skyline of Jerusalem
and a new sweater each Christmas

not all bad
at least he never had to
walk barefoot on the lumpy
Sea of Galilee
or raise the dead without
a deal on the movie rights

-- EB
©2000 Esto Banga

Esto Bango reports that he's moved to North Carolina where he still can't be reached. Let's hope he's safe there.