The Curmudgeon Speaks: Watch Out: Is That What You Really Mean?

By Pamela Beers

Watch your word usage, spelling, and punctuation. If misused they can totally change the intended meaning of an ad. You'll see what I mean as you read some humorous want ads that have appeared in papers across the country. They were not intended to be humorous, but because of grammatical errors they evoke a chuckle or two.

• And now, the Superstore—unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled in inconvenience.

• For sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.

• Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

• Now is the time to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

For all of you dog lovers out there, check out these want ads:

• For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

• Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children. 

• Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

• Great Dames for sale.

• Free puppies: 50% cocker spaniel - 50% sneaky neighbor's dog. (Clever, not incorrect)

Anyone looking for a washing machine?

• Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who never washed.

• Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

How about this for a unique travel opportunity?

• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Signs are even more amusing…read on:

• On a ski lift in Taos, New Mexico: "No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted."

• Stock up and save: Limit one.

Traveling to Buffalo, NY, I noticed the name of a funeral home on Delaware Avenue. I couldn't believe it as I chuckled all the way back to Rochester. The name is Amigone funeral home. No kidding! This isn't a sign with any errors, just a family name in the funeral business, but amusing nevertheless.

My favorite ad, which sums up the whole literacy issue:

• Illiterate? Write today for free help.

As you can see, we all need to make sure we proof everything paying special attention to word usage, spelling, and punctuation. I always have another person read my written piece before submission so that I don't unintentionally end up in the archives for the world's funniest ad copy when the ad copy is supposed to be serious.  

Resources: www.mindspring.com;www.50megs.com;www.dayletics.com

Suggested reading:

Tested Advertising Methods by John Caples

The Well-Fed Writer by Peter Bowerman

Back For Seconds by Peter Bowerman