WANTED: Writers With a Clue

By Peter Bowerman

Bad Writing & Sloppy Marketing Everywhere Means Plenty of Opportunities

I cruised on over to the nearby mall last week to buy a new watchband. Forgetting where the store was exactly, I consulted the handy-dandy color-coded mall directory map. Not hardly. Handy-dandy, that is. It’d clearly been redesigned since the last time I’d seen it. For starters, the “You Are Here” designation was nowhere to be found. Gone. Then, though the stores were all given numbers on the list, the numbers were missing on the map itself. I’m not kidding. It was only by looking at the colors that I could figure it out and in twice the time.

Think about this (no, it’s not a copywriting project, but it’s in the same broad category of business communications). Here is a big, colorful, detailed map in a major metropolitan mall. Malls have been using these kinds of maps forever, maps with a formula that’s both effective and painfully obvious. But, in this case, they decide to omit two key design features of the formula. And because I understand how creative jobs get done, I know for a fact that a lot of eyes saw this and approved it before it went to print. How could this happen? I’ll tell you how. Because business entities - from corporate America down to the small shops - don’t have their act together nearly as much as you may think they do. And the evidence is all around us.

A marketing firm contacted me last year to rework a web site for a sales training company. A 15-second meander through the site instantly revealed that this company-with a market niche in SALES TRAINING – didn’t even have a basic grasp of a classic sales fundamental: Features/Benefits.

In Luke Sullivan’s book “Hey Whipple, Squeeze This” that I profiled last month, he makes this observation about billboards: “It’s been said that a board should have no more than seven words.” Next time you drive down the highway, see how many break this rule (maybe 80%?). See how many are cluttered, feature too-small type, or are written like brochure copy as opposed to quick-read ad copy. Yes, rush hour often provides drivers with extended viewing time, but how wise is it to count on that?

I recently got a letter from my health care provider, one of the bigger and better nationwide HMOs, incidentally. They were informing me of some pretty significant rate hikes. A letter like that, in my humble opinion, requires some thought. As in, who’s the audience, how are they going to react and how can we write it to anticipate some of their (undoubtedly) unhappy reactions? For starters, and on a different note, the letter was horribly laid-out, like a bad text-only file, where everything ran together and looked the same, even asterisked copy at bottom. Practically incoherent.

Then, the copy. To introduce the products, they wrote, in part: “As part of our continuing efforts to offer competitive, affordable health coverage, we have restructured our products. We are pleased to announce four new ABC Healthcare products. These four new plans were designed in response to your requests for affordable products with more choice in benefit levels and co-payments,” etc., etc.

Not one word acknowledging that this was a sharp increase. All BS. Did they think we wouldn’t notice something that obvious? How about: “Rising costs have forced us to restructure our plans, which unfortunately translates to higher premiums. While we never look forward to coming to you with news like this, we remain committed to offering a wide range of affordable options,” etc., etc. How about a little honesty? A price increase will never make anyone happy, under any circumstances, but a sure way to boost the irritation factor is to sugarcoat it, and badly at that.

Oh, and here’s the clincher. You’ll love this. They sent this out in early April, even though my current plan (at a lower premium) won’t expire until the end of November. In the letter, they thoughtfully offer me the option of switching over to one of these more expensive plans anytime before November “to ensure continuous coverage.” Gee, thanks so much. I just can’t WAIT till November to start paying higher premiums. I need to do it NOW. As if I don’t know for a fact that they’ll be sending a notice every month until October and then every week after that until I sign up. Idiots. They must think they’re dealing with absolute morons.

I’m telling you, just look around you. If you can use your head and know how to write, you’re needed out there.

Copyright 2005 Peter Bowerman. All rights reserved.

Peter Bowerman is the author of The Well-Fed Writer (2000), an award-winning Book-of-the-Month Club selection, and its 2004 companion volume, The Well-Fed Writer: Back For Seconds, both how-to “standards” in the field of commercial freelancing. A commercial writer, business coach and seminar leader in Atlanta, his client list includes Coca-Cola, BellSouth, IBM, UPS, Cingular, American Express, Mercedes-Benz, Junior Achievement and others. Visit www.wellfedwriter.comfor more info and to subscribe to his critically acclaimed free monthly ezine on commercial writing, THE WELL-FED E-PUB.